Saturday, May 22, 2010

Time Flies When You Are Having Fun

I cant believe that my little guy will be three in a couple of months. How is this possible?? It hit me all of a sudden a few minutes ago.... I was looking for a bottle of nail polish that I used to love and, not being able to find it, was trying to remember the last time I used it. Surely, it wasn't too long ago.... until I found it- all clumped and seperated only to realize the last time I used it I was pregnant with Maxi. My baby is a little boy now and pretty soon, he and his brother will grow up and leave his father and me to go off into the big, bad world.
Wonder what we will do with our free time then. Hopefully, we will have a few years to just sit around and stare at each other before the boys start having kids and asking us to babysit all the time...

Monday, August 3, 2009

My favorite things

I love so many thing about this life that God blessed me with.
My family. My husband. My crazy boys. It is hard to think about sometimes, because it almost didnt happen. Everything I hold so dear now, I never wanted in my youth.
It amazes me how things work out. Absolutely amazes me.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Hakuna Matata

It doesn't matter, its in the past.

The past is a fickle lover. It should sit on the shelf, gleaming from the occasional shine made by the memories it holds, but not disturbed. The past is one of those elusive gems where times look better than they were simply because they represent a time when we were younger, more energetic, and more care free. When revisiting the past we forget about transformations, we forgive transgressions, we relive the 25 second blurb of thought that visits us for only a moment until it is dwarfed by the here and now.

Sometimes, I miss the past. I miss the friends I had, the people I met, those who touched my life. However, the saying "You cant go home again" never rang quite so true as it has today. Not in the sense of a physical home but of that person who I felt at most home with- in my past.
You cant go home again, and I have realised, that I don't really want to.

Now that I have taken Pandora's box o'memory off the shelf and shaken it all around, making a mess of my emotions and caused a leaden pain in my chest. I will force the lid closed and put it up higher this time. Where I cant reach it. Not to be tempted by its shiny exterior again.
Goodbye my friend.

Monday, July 13, 2009


A wise teacher got me hooked on writing journals when I was in the 8th grade. She said that we should keep a record ofour lives so that when we were older we could look back with fond memories.
A wiser teacher would have said to write in them daily- and then burn them.


So i am working on this project that I have been playing around with for a long time. I have a stack of old journals that Ive been soritng through looking for peices of information that I may have forgotten. It is weird how a stack of the past can give you so much insight on your present.
More to come.

Friday, July 10, 2009

For John.

Life is just one big bumpy waiting in line so long that you forget you are already on it kind of ride.

Last night I spent the better part of my evening chatting with my dear friend, John. He and I met in college and were crazy friends from day one. I cant think of many people that I enjoy their company quite as much as I enjoy his. Of course, as is the standard when talking to friends from the old days, we started trotting down memory lane. It's funny to me how I can remember more things that I did when I was hanging out with that man than that I did last week! lol
One thing I always think about when I think about the past is how different a person I am now from 15 years ago. Not sure if I am a better person, but definitely a different person.

It is weird how things turn out because we spent about four years not even talking- not because of some friendship brawl that derailed our friendship. Just because of life and how it sometimes gets in the way- swelling like a balloon til you cant even see around it to all the things you used to love. I forget that he doesn't already know everything that has happened the last few years. Like it is just a given that he was there for any and all happenings- and vice versa for me as well- like his life was on hold and I cant quite picture it as it is now.

The last time we got together was at my wedding almost 6 years ago. Where has the time gone?
So- lesson for today, don't ever take one moment of friendship for granted. The relationships we have with people throughout our life is what dictates our life.

Love you J!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Oprah sized pressure

Ok, so last week I caught a few minutes of an Oprah show. It was all about moms who agree that momminess is hard, that we don't want to admit how difficult it is, that we put too much on our plate etc. I agreed 150%.
But THEN- the 'experts' were saying how moms need to keep their love life the priority. Great. Just stinking great- like I need one more thing to make a priority! So this got me thinking- it's so totally not even a little bit fair to put that off on the moms- that it is up to us to make sure our marriages don't go down the toilet. Don't we have enough to do? Whether you are a work at home mom, stay at home mom, work from home mom- you work. YOU WORK like a dang slave. Cooking, cleaning, keeping everyone happy, trying to teach your kids how to become wonderful compassionate people, trying to keep your husband's belly and underwear drawer full. Then if you have a 'job' on top of that- which takes another 40 hours out of your week and means you also have to coordinate babysitters, school schedules, carpools, extra curricular activities, and deal with yet another boss.
And now- thanks a lot Oprah- I have to add one more thing to my list of priorities?!?!? I would love to focus all my time and energy on being an 'attentive' wife- but who would be MY wife? Who would clean up after me and make sure my kids were bathed and fed?
My favorite line from the show "Let things slide once in a while! The laundry will still be there after you make love!" Dang right it will be there- be there waiting for ME to wash it, dry it, fold it, and put it away. Waiting for the next load to go in and the stains to be scrubbed out.
Oprah can agree with these experts all her life- she has no children SHE ISN'T EVEN MARRIED!!
Rant over.